I feel like all I have time for anymore is school, work, and baby.  I just have to keep telling myself that after this semester I will be basically done, at least until Lily gets into school, then maybe I will go back.  I feel like such a loser.  I'm getting a general studies degree... who does that?  Apparently me.  I can't decide what I really want to do.  It's a hard choice... I mean it's the rest of your life.  So right now I am going for just general studies, but I am taking my EMT class, for those of you who don't already know, so I will be able to do something.  I mean I won't feel like a COMPLETE loser lol, just a like a regular, semi-loser.  Sigh... being grown-up.  I miss being in high school sometimes where the only thing I had to worry about was finishing my school work and getting to band and cheerleading practice on time.  I didn't need a job or have another person to take care of.  I love Lily but some days I just want to be able to do me stuff.  Like the other day, I wanted to stay in bed all day cuddled under a blanket and watch TV or read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, which I haven't been able to re-read since I don't have time to read anything but textbooks. What I want back from high school most of all is my positive-all-the-time attitude.  Sometimes I wonder when I turned into such a negative person.  I miss the old me.  So my goal for the rest of this year and on is to get that positive person back.  To be happy with whatever it is I have, which honestly is a hell of a lot more than some people I know.  At least we aren't living in some shitty apartment or home with hardly enough money to get by.  We are able to live comfortably with a little bit of wiggle room.  : )  I really do love my life and the people in it, and I'm sorry if I haven't really come off that way recently.  It is a process, but I really hope I can get back to that positive person I used to be

Also for those I haven't seen recently, Lily is doing AWESOME!!! I have such a big girl.  She says please, and is working on thank you, does all sorts of animal sounds, knows most of the stuff on her face (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, etc), can CLEARLY say, mama, dada, nana, PP, GG, and baby (baby is probably her favorite), and her favorite movie is Tangled (at least she has her mommy's good taste in movies!).  We watch Tangled at least once a day, normally when she is going to bed.  She is so animated when she watches it.  She LOVES the horse.  She neighs right before it comes on for the first time.  She also really enjoys her book "Five Silly Monkeys."  You know, five silly monkeys jumping on the bed.  At the end of each verse I say, "What does the doctor say?" and she will say "No, no" and wiggle her finger at me.  She already knows how to throw huge fits.  We are trying to work on that.  I remember the best way to keep from encouraging fits is to ignore them, so when she starts throwing one I help her to lay back (otherwise she slams her head on the ground) and then just look away and don't pay any attention.  Normally it stops after a little bit and she finds something else to interest her.  I am sooo looking forward to the holidays this year : ) Lily will love spending time with family and of course she will love all of the food. 

So, very long post, I apologize, but it has been a long time, I will try to better keep everyone up to date : )

This summer has been pretty darn nice so far : ) I am taking one, pretty easy class and working just part time a few days a week as a sort of fill in.  I enjoy this job : ) My big big girl turned one on Thursday!  Ahhhh!  It went by soooo fast.  I can't believe it's been a whole year since we brought her home and joked about how much she slept lol.  I wish she slept like that now.  She was up at six in the morning yesterday, crazy girl.  Some days I wish I could just experience newborn Lily again with more appreciation.  I don't feel like it was that long ago that she was a newborn, but apparently it was. 

Lily really enjoyed her birthday.  We spent time with the family and had cake and she opened some presents.  We got her a water table, which she loves!, Mom and Dad got her a wagon, PJ and Jeff got her a push mower that blows bubbles, Rhi, Brandon and the kids got her a leap frog book, and GG and Great Grandpa Nomina got her some wooden blocks.  She enjoyed everything : )  We have been spending a lot of time over at PJ and Jeff's pool recently.  It is nice to just relax and swim and enjoy time with family.

I need to see friends more!!! Not this week so much because I will be working full time... but SOON... So not sure what happened there, didn't mean to make it big and clicking bold and font sizes is not undoing it.  Anyway, basically just wanted to let everyone know I am doing well and enjoying my summer, and that I do want to hang out, but have been/ will be busy this week, but get in touch with me soon!

Happy Mother's Day to me : )  Too bad Kyle didn't once wish me a Happy Mother's Day.  It was a big day for PJ, she graduated from college, but it would have been nice to get a little recognition.  It's my first Mother's Day, it was supposed to be special for me too... just saying.  I know I sound selfish but oh well.

Life is ah mazing right now : )

I was soooo behind in English and I never thought I was going to catch up.  I figured I had a B at best in the class.  And what did the teacher end up giving me... an A-!!!! And then, because she just LOVED my bibliography, she bumped my grade to an A : )  I was behind on postings on discussion board, but apparently I participate enough in class that it doesn't matter.  Also, we had conferences in class the other day and she told me I had, by far the best grasp of the concepts in class and incorporating them into writing and such.  Sure, it's a community college, but still, I haven't taken an English class since freshman year at BSU and I am rocking this class : )

In math I missed a full week of classes and there was an exam the next class.  So what do I do?  I utilized my resources; the professor posted the link to the same class at Purdue which comes with voiced over powerpoint lessons.  By reviewing these the morning of the exam I managed to get a 95%!  I am rocking school right now!  If I keep the grades up that are up and bring my online class grades up I have the opportunity to get all A's and one B this semester.  For a full time student/ parent I would say that's not too shabby.  I owe most of it to my wonderful mother who always volunteers to watch Lily while I do homework.  After the Kayla episode earlier in the semester I ended up turning her down a bunch of the time, but now, realizing how far I fell behind in doing this, I do not hesitate to accept her offers.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  I am trying to get the most out of my education so that I can create the best life possible for myself and my daughter. 

Anyway... to continue with the awesomeness.  I went in to go put a payment down on my Vic's Secret card and there was a sign outside of the store saying "Now Hiring"  so I decided to pick up an application.  I wasn't actively looking for a job, but I decided, especially with our new car payment, that if something came up that I was interested in I would apply.  I wasn't looking, but if something looked neat I had decided to go for it.  Well I turn in my app the following Monday (I picked up the app on a Thursday).  Well by the time I came back to turn it in the sign was down so I figured they had already found help.  Well Tuesday afternoon they called me back in for an interview for last Sunday!  I was super excited.  I got to the interview and was real nervous, I know I didn't do as well as I could have.  I just really wanted the job and it tripped me up.  This was a group interview so there were six or seven of us.  Most of the other girls had previous retail experience so I wasn't too hopeful as I left.  Plus it seemed like they all had better answers than me.  Well I got a phone call today offering me the part time sales associate position if I still wanted it!!! AHHHH!!!! I start Wednesday and I am super excited.  The discount is pretty freaking sweet.  30% off all new merchandise (also Bath and Bodyworks merchandise), new bras for 15$, at least two free bras a year, and free samples for new fragrances. 

As if all of this wasn't enough, I have been starting to hang out with friends more!  It is awesome.  Ever since I openly complained to everyone about not being invited to stuff anymore it's like they have been inviting me to everything.  I was invited to the "Rave" next Friday.  And I am helping prepare jello shots the night before.  I went to a cook out with everyone Wednesday I think and stayed over at Nick and Jess's until like midnight or later.  Tomorrow I'm going bowling in Lafayette.  My life is finally starting to return to normal : )  It's like everything is falling into place and I am loving it.  I am getting back to me again.  I feel more like myself than I have in at least a year and it is awesome.  I missed me A LOT. 

Ahhh... it just feels good : ) : ) : )

So completely random here, but I had my iPod on and was listening to it as I sang Lily to sleep tonight and as I put her down in the crib "Transformation" from the Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack came on and I was completely moved by it.  Something about it just pulled at my heart.  The music moved, honestly moved inside of me and it has been so long since I have connected in that way to a piece of music that I had completely forgotten how it feels.  Amazing, and I miss it, and I miss band, and so many other things in my life that I just sort of let go. 

I am feeling a sort of transformation coming on, a new determination and a readiness to accept... well embrace my life and just go where it is directed.  So what if I graduate from a community college?  I have a kid, it is challenging, and at least I will have a degree behind my name.  I want a job, I want to be able to provide for my family, or help.  I want to take proactive steps toward my future : )

I am finding a little of my old self again more and more each day.  I feel like the last few months of being pregnant and really up until a few weeks ago I was in a sort of funk.  I am returning though : )

Ahh.... AWESOMENESS!